A woodworker had a neighbour that always borrowed his tools and never returned them, one day fustrated with this he phoned him.
" Could I put my tablesaw and drill press in your garage?" he inquired.
" Sure," his neighbour replied, " But why?"
" Just to have all my tools in one place." he retorted.
One night a wife saw her husband standing over the baby's crib.
She stood watching him silently, he looked down with mixed emotions, disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, and skepticism.
She slipped her arm around him, "Penny for your thoughts?" she whispered.
"It's amazing, how can they make a crib like that for $49.99?"
Old timer is looking at tools at the local building supply store, he picks up a hammer.
" Don't make these like they used to," he tells the salesman, " I've had the same one for over fifty years, just had to replace the handle six times and the head twice."
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